Thursday, November 30, 2006

Many of you may be wondering why this site exists. Well, the answer is very simple. I should be the next head coach at the University of Alabama.

On the outside, it may seem as if I were vastly underqualified for this position considering names such as Steve Spurrier, Nick Saban, Bobby Petrino, Rich Rodriguez, and Greg Schiano being mentioned in connection with the job. However, I have put together a list of accomplishments I think will prove to even those with the most doubt that I am by far the right man for the job.

1. My record as a head coach on EA Sports NCAA Football

In decades of experience on Dynasty Mode, my accomplishments speak for themselves. Starting at lowly Louisiana-Monroe, I worked my way up to the head coaching position at Clemson University, where I began a coaching run never before seen in college football. Over 30+ seasons at the helm of the Tigers, I won 12 National Championships, over 20 ACC titles, and four Heisman Trophy winners, all of which went on to great success when imported to Madden. Other XBox accomplishments include multiple national titles with my own school, Troy University, including taking them to the SEC and punting Mississippi State from the league, which I think we can all agree would be a welcome change. In all, I estimate the total number of championships won on XBox to be in the area of 17. Is there any other coach on the market who can claim that, espically at the ripe young age at 23. Which brings me to my next point.

2. My age

Some may look at my mere 23 years as a reason to exclude me from this position. Nay, say I. At such a young age, I am in a prime position to guide the Crimson Tide to generations of championship football. Indeed, it would not be out of the realm of possibility for me to have a 50 year tenure, retiring with a satisfied and well championed fanbase intact.

3. My experience on the playing field

This is nothing to sneeze at. As a MLB for the DeFuniak Springs, Florida seven-and-eight year-old Cowboys, I helped lead our team to an Okaloosa-Walton County Pee Wee football championship with a perfect record of 8-0. Also, in seventh grade, while playing CB for Walton Middle School, I made an outstanding, game-saving ankle tackle on a left end sweep against Chipley Middle School to preserve a 6-6 tie. And let us not even begin to mention my vast accomplishments in the illustrious one-year history of Troy University Wesley Foundation flag football as a DL and WR. Here's a beautiful picture of me on my championship-winning Pee Wee football team.

And it is my time at Troy University that brings me to my next point.

4. My experience as a sports reporter


Covering both high school and college sports has given me, literally, dozens of hours around some of the most talented athletes and coaches in the state of Alabama, particularly in the AHSAA 3A level. My contacts with coaches, and even one NFL scout, has taught me everything I ever would need to know. I know how to evaluate talent. I've seen a college-level workout. I've been on the practice field. In the locker room. And it is my journalistic abilities that gave me the opportunity to show another one of my talents: spotting talent.

5. 2006 Pigskin Picks Co-Champion

In this fall's issues of the Tropolitan, the student newspaper of Troy University, I am proud to say I beat out my fellow editors in this year's edition of the Pigskin Picks competition, including two weeks at a perfect 7-0. My 56-28 record, as far as I know, beats every expert on television, including the illustrious Lee Corso, and proves that I know how to evaluate talent. I know a winner when I see one. I'm a winner. And that brings me to my sixth and final point. The X Factor.


6. Special Teams

We all know that many times it's not offense or defense that wins games, but special teams. And it is clear that I have shown the ability to bring insight to this oft-overlooked aspect of the game. My successful conversion of a 25-yard field goal in Movie Gallery Veterans Memorial Stadium at 3 a.m. one night in my Freshman year demonstrates the talent and insight I bring to this aspect of college football.

I think I've made it clear why I should be the next head coach at the University of Alabama. However, my efforts in this campaign cannot be successful without your help. Please call University of Alabama President Robert Witt at 205-348-5100 and Athletic Director Mal Moore at 205-348-3620 and let them know that you want Josh Smith to be their next head football coach. Also, tell all your friends about this effort.

Without your help, we cannot bring Alabama football back to its rightful place. Do your part. Get me in charge.

6 Comments:

At 10:43 PM, Blogger Zac said...

I'm so linking to you blog from www.zachensley.com

 
At 11:59 PM, Blogger drakefarmer said...

You got my vote! I got your site from Zac...

 
At 12:01 AM, Blogger drakefarmer said...

I also Think I as well will be posting about your blog... get some support up in the north (Canada), Couldn't hurt! Either way it is god reading!

 
At 12:10 AM, Blogger Todd said...

holy crap i cracked up perfect

 
At 5:00 AM, Blogger Acral - Tommy Cason said...

Outstanding
Yuo are truly the perfect candidate for the job given incredible prowess on and off the field.

 
At 8:14 AM, Blogger fej mortsdron said...

Not bad.
Your qualifications are certainly as good as some of the people mentioned.

I have called Mal Moore to let him know.

 

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